Two Of Us
by D.B.R Hazlewoode
Summary: A-Z object serials about the Dream Team. Javier/Kevin bromance, but you can think what you want. Anything goes, so brace yourself. Remember, your feelings are my playthings.
1. A For Argument

_**A/N: I'm back, and this time I'm doing serials! There's going to be 26 stand alone drabble/one shot/flash fiction pieces centered around an object. (Some may be abstract, like this one.) And it's about our favorite homicide detectives: Esposito and Ryan! Some chapters will be VERY OOC, so keep that in mind. R&R if you're excited for Blue Butterfly. (FINALLY.) Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)**_

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><p><em>ar·gu·mentˈärgyəmənt/_

_Noun: 1. An exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one._

__

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><p><em><em>

Ryan swiped the half empty bottle from his partner's hands and threw it against the wall. The jarring echo of the shattered glass finally seemed to bring him around.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Javier demanded, attempting in vain to push himself up from the table. He swayed for a moment before he sat heavily.

"You don't seem to understand what I'm telling you, Javier," Kevin said, raising his voice to match his partner's, "You're drunk!" Esposito shrugged and crossed his arms like a child. An overgrown, very drunk child.

"So?"

"So you can't keep doing this to yourself, Javi!" Ryan said in desperation, sitting across from him, "I won't let you!" Javier looked away and chewed his bottom lip. Kevin took a shuddering breath and watched the other man think. This could easily go the wrong way, and if it did, he was a goner. Esposito had a good forty pounds on him at the very least. But it had to be done. He wasn't just going to sit around and watch as his partner slowly destroyed himself over the death that he was powerless against preventing.

"But what if I want to?" Javier murmured brokenly, looking away so that Kevin wouldn't see him cry. He reached out across the table and took his partner's hand in his.

"Javi, look at me." He wouldn't.

"Javier."

"What?" Ryan looked down at the table for a moment before they made eye contact again.

"It wasn't your fault." Esposito snatched his hand away and shoved up from the table, this time keeping his balance.

"It was!"

"But don't you-"

"You don't get it!" Javier yelled, desolate, "You don't understand!" he added in an undertone. Ryan stood up and strode over to his partner, eyebrows crinkling in concern.

"Then explain." Esposito pawed at his face awkwardly, trying to erase all evidence of emotion. Kevin took hold of his hands.

"You're going to hurt yourself." Esposito turned away.

"She was pregnant," he whispered, voice a ghost of what it had once been. It was like a blow to the stomach. He hadn't known-

"Javier..." Try as he might, he found that he could offer no words of comfort.

"Kevin," his partner's voice wavered, "What am I...What am I supposed to do?" Wordlessly, Kevin pulled his partner's head to his chest and held onto him as if to keep him from falling apart.


	2. B For Bullet

_**A/N: Two words: Blue Butterfly. That episode blew me away. And the accents...don't even get me started! It was a trending topic on twitter, that's how amazing it was. But anyway, B is for bullet, and who's gonna get it? R&R lovelies! Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)**_

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><p><em>bul·let<em>

_noun /ˈbo͝olit/_

_A projectile for firing from a rifle, revolver, or other small firearms, typically of metal, cylindrical and pointed, and sometimes containing an explosive._

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><p>Javier threw down his cell in desperation and took off. They needed back up, but there wasn't time to wait. He shook his head and cursed himself as he pushed on. They should have never gone into it alone; but now wasn't the time to berate himself. He'd lost Ryan sometime after they'd pulled up to the abandoned factory and had (stupidly) gone their separate ways.<p>

"Ryan!" he shouted hoarsely, whipping his head around in search for another door. Shots had been fired, but with the acoustics of the old building, Esposito hadn't been able to place them. He had to assume the worse: his partner had been shot, and time was running out.

"Kevin!" he hollered again, picking a direction at random.

"Up here!" There were no words to express the feeling those words gave him. He looked up and took a step back. His partner looked down at him for just a second before he refocused his attention on the kid they'd been tailing. Javier trained his gun on the suspect and called out.

"Drop it or I drop you. Your choice!" Slowly, Esposito moved towards the stairs. The kid threw his hands up, eyes wide.

"You hurt?" he asked Kevin. Ryan didn't lower his gun as he responded.

"The idiot shot at me, but he missed." Javier took a place beside his partner and raked over Ryan's body with his sharp gaze. He'd already assured him that he hadn't been hurt, but he needed to see for himself.

"Kid, why don't you put the gun down and we can talk about it?" Kevin suggested, gesturing to the ground with his own weapon. The kid shook his lank brown hair away from his wild eyes and shook his head. His hands were still in the air, but Esposito recognized the jump in his fingers.

"He's gonna shoot, bro," he whispered. Kevin shook his head, and Javier sighed internally. He didn't like shooting people any more than his partner did, but if there was a _chance._...

"Ryan."

"Javi." They didn't have to kill him; all that they had to do was wound him. The hand, the arm, the leg...Somewhere safe. Nonfatal. He watched as the kid lowered his hands, and he tensed, already knowing that it was going to end badly.

"Ryan, if you don't do it, I will. I'm not just gonna walk over there and snatch the gun off the kid," Javier hissed.

"Javi, if we don't have to shoot him, then-" Esposito saw it before it happened, but he couldn't force his warning out quickly enough. In what seemed to be slow motion, he watched as his partner's body took the full impact of the bullet and fell to the ground.

"Ryan!" His voice was uneven as he blindly shot in the direction the kid had gone. Dropping to his knees beside Kevin, he took off his jacket and pressed it against the wound. Every instinct in his body told him that his partner wouldn't make it, but he didn't want to accept it. He couldn't. But he'd been a detective, a soldier...He knew the odds. Kevin's eyelids fluttered, and Javier brushed his cheek with his thumb.

"Stay with me, bro!" he said, balling up his jacket. He propped up Ryan's feet and returned his hands to the wound, raising his head in search for the back up he'd requested. He knew that they wouldn't make it in time. He was bleeding out too quickly.

"Javier..." he trailed weakly, closing his eyes.

"Wake up! Ryan-bro, don't do this to me." This wasn't the way that it was supposed to happen. They were supposed to get old and grouchy together; drink beer and tell the grandkids stories about the good years. It wasn't supposed to go down like this. And Jenny...Esposito closed his eyes. What would he tell Jenny? That he'd let her husband die?

"Kevin, please," he begged, near tears, "Don't. I-I called for back up-"

"Won't-make...it.." Ryan coughed out. Javier bowed his head and shook with tears. He refused to believe it. He refused.

"Don't say that, bro. I know we can-" But Kevin reached up in a final act of strength and grabbed his partner's wrist.

"Tell Jenny...I love-her. Love you-too, bro...Till...the w-wheels fall-off." And then he was gone. Javier kissed his cheek and cried.

"Till the wheels fall off."


	3. C For Casket

_**A/N: Hey everyone! No school, so I'm probably going to be sitting around doing nothing today. (By nothing I mean going on Tumblr for five hours when I should be doing homework.) But anyway, C is for casket, and some memories never fade. r&r everyone! Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)**_

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><p><em>cas·ket<em> _Noun: /ˈkaskit/_

_A coffin._

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><p>Kevin Ryan approached the marker apprehensively and bowed his head in reverence. The night was clear and silent in a way that made him uneasy. The night of his death had been like this. Perfect. Too perfect for what had happened. He shut his eyes and let the images flood back in. He had never properly dealt with them; none of them had. It was too difficult, too heart wrenching. As he bent to place the flowers he'd brought with him, the 'what if's' brought him to his knees.<p>

_What if they had known?_

_ What if they could have stopped it?_

_ What if they'd only been there when he needed it?_

Ryan sat, unable to stand. He rested his head in his hands and shivered against an invisible wind. He knew that it didn't do any good to think that way, but it felt wrong to be happy when a man was dead. A good man at that.

"I'm sorry," he murmured in a husky whisper, brushing the tips of his fingers along the words etched into the head stone. Ryan thought about him, all alone, six feet under where he sat now. The thought of him in that casket made his stomach turn. How could he have been so _stupid_? _How_? No matter how many times he asked himself, he never came up with an answer. There was no excuse. There never would be.

"Bro." Esposito appeared beside him without a sound. Ryan opened his eyes and smiled sadly at his partner.

"It's been a year, you know," he told him, offering his hand. Javier pulled him up, and together they studied the grave of their fallen captain.

"He was a good man," Esposito said quietly.

"Brave," Ryan agreed. They stood in silence for a moment more before Javier slung a supportive arm around his partner's shoulders. Kevin leaned heavily against him as they started off, leaving the grave of their captain behind until next year.


	4. D For Darkness

_A/N: Fanfiction was down. It annoyed me. Not much to say, but here's D, and it means darkness. (I'm not too proud of this one, or the next one either, but expect a comeback for F!) It was innocent, really, the way all of this happened. r&r and stay warm! Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)_

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><p><em>dark·nessˈdärknis/_

_Noun: The partial or total absence of light_

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><p>It was innocent, honestly, the way the night had taken its turn. One moment, it had been Madden Night as usual, and the next, the two homicide detectives were plunged into darkness. Esposito had been in the midst of the game winning touchdown-and then the screen went black. Stunned, he gaped at the vacant television as his partner started suddenly and landed on top of him.<p>

"Kevin, bro," Javier grunted, "Get off. Seriously." He shoved Ryan back to his side of the couch and threw his controller across the room.

"Un-freaking-believable!" he shouted, getting up. Kevin paid him no mind and went to open the door.

"Do you think the power went out in the whole building?" he asked, peering into the hallway.

"...the middle of kicking your ass, and then the freakin' power goes out-" Esposito ranted, ignoring Kevin. He closed the door and locked it, frowning.

"It doesn't look like anyone else has power. I wonder what happened..."

"...this is bullshit!" Javier said, just as Ryan moaned,

"I just got milk yesterday. D'you know how long it's gonna take until I get power back?" They both stopped speaking then and stared at each other.

"Were you saying something?" they inquired in unison. An unexpected burst of laughter escaped Ryan, and the two of them howled at their predicament. They settled back onto the couch and watched the blank screen for a moment.

"This sucks," Esposito muttered, stretching. His partner nodded and turned the remote over in his hands a few times.

"What should we do?"

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><p>- One hour and two beers later-<p>

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><p>Esposito dropped to his stomach and army crawled across the floor, flashlight off and tucked against his hip. He chewed his lip in concentration and strained to hear something, anything, from Ryan's side of the room. He was greeted with silence, and so he continued his silent crawl. He smirked. He hadn't been a marine for nothing. Javier had Ryan's apartment pretty much memorized, and even though he couldn't see, he figured he was in the short hallway before the kitchen. Esposito clenched the flashlight between his teeth and slowly made his way to the sink. Just as he felt the cool tile under his palms, his shoulder collided with Kevin's head. Startled, the both of them flew back. And then instinct kicked in. Javier reached for his flashlight, but Ryan smacked it out of his hand and grasped for his own. Diving on top of him, Esposito snatched his flashlight away and felt for the switch in the darkness. In retaliation, his partner sprung silently and pinned him to the ground, easily plucking the flashlight from his hands. He switched it on and shone it in his face.<p>

"Tag," he panted, "You're it." Their faces were mere inches apart as the pair struggled to catch their breath. Ryan grinned, and Javier offered a smirk in return. Kevin's head dropped, and then he threw himself down beside his partner, resting his head on his shoulder.

"I still kicked your ass in Madden." Ryan smiled and closed his eyes, content. Sure, he'd won. _This time._


	5. E For Executioner

_A/N: My friend Taylor told me to do elevator, but I can't do anything without being dramatic. There's no fun in that. What would happen if 3XK was finally brought to justice? (Not a big fan of this one, either, but they'll get better as we go further along. I promise.) r&r and stay amazing! Yours 'till the wheels fall off :)_

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><p><em>ex·e·cu·tion·erˌeksiˈkyo͞oSHənər/_

_Noun: An official who carries out a sentence of death on a legally condemned person._

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><p>Kevin Ryan was the first to arrive. He wrapped his jacket closer as he took his seat, shivering from some invisible cold. Perhaps it was his uneasiness. His whole body shook with it. A quick glance at his watch told him that the execution would start soon. As the detective bowed his head, the families of Tyson's victims began to file in. The silenced deafened him, and he nervously chewed on his fingernails, feeling sick. He understood why no one from the twelfth had accompanied him. As much of a monster as 3XK had been...the thought of seeing him die made him want to vomit. There was no difference, really, between watching this and killing someone with his own gun. But the terrible anticipation made his head spin. He still had time. Maybe he could just-<p>

"It's starting," someone murmured. His heart stalled for a moment, and he struggled to compose himself. Ryan didn't want to watch, but he found that he was unable to look away. Simply seeing Tyson tied down, weak, helpless...that should have been enough. But it wasn't. Somehow, nothing would ever make up for the lives he had taken. Nothing would erase the burden Kevin had carried with him every day since Tyson had snatched his gun. Ryan should have killed him when he'd had the chance. It was his fault that he had lived to kill again. Angry tears burned at his eyes as he watched Tyson prepare to give his final statement. He couldn't hear, but he was close enough to read lips. The glass was two way, and for one chilling moment their eyes met. Though he couldn't hear the words that were spoken, he felt them as if they'd been whispered into his ear.

_It's on you, detective._

Trembling, he jumped out of his seat and made for the door. A guard opened it for him, and he took off. He didn't stop until he reached his car. Gasping for breath that wouldn't come, he bent at the waist and braced himself against the car. His chest heaved painfully. He shouldn't have ever come. It had been a mistake. With every breath that he tried to take, Tyson's last words echoed hollowly through his head. _It's on you, detective. It's on you._

"Ryan?" He didn't even have to look up to know that it was his partner that stood before him.

"Sorry you had to see that, Kevin," Esposito offered softly, taking another step forward. As Javier took Kevin into his arms, he didn't care how he'd gotten there. He didn't care how he must have looked. As Ryan cried into his partner's warm embrace, all that he cared about was forgiveness.


	6. F For Father

_**A/N: I got Nutella. Needless to say, I'm hopelessly hyper and extremely happy. Especially since there's Castle tonight! Business, though: F is for father, and Esposito wonders if he's capable of being a good one. I need to pick more dramatic words, because this one is pretty tame. We'll see what you think. r&r and brace yourself for Castle! Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)**_

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><p><em>fa·therˈfäT͟Hər/_

_Noun: A man in relation to his natural child or children._

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><p>Javier heard Kevin walk carefully into the room, but he paid him no mind. All that he could focus on was his daughter. She was only a month old, but already, she had made him happy in ways he hadn't thought possible. She was perfection, from the delicate ringlets of black hair to her impossibly tiny toes. And now, she was sleeping. He knew that she would be fine, but he couldn't help but watch, just in case.<p>

"You finally got her to sleep," Ryan commented quietly, putting a hand on his partner's shoulder as he peered into the crib. Esposito nodded.

"An hour and a half later, yeah," he muttered, grinning. She was just so _beautiful. _It was hard to fathom that he'd actually been a part of her creation.

"Hey, I want to talk to you about something," Kevin said suddenly, gesturing to the kitchen. Reluctantly, he followed, checking over his shoulder every few seconds to make sure she hadn't woken.

"What's up?" he asked, sitting across from his partner.

"What are you worried about?" Javier blinked several times before he could find words.

"What do you-"

"I know I'm not the only one who's seen it, bro. You look worried. Shaken up. Is Lanie okay?" Esposito twisted his wedding ring around his finger and looked in the direction of the bedroom.

"No, everything's fine. Lanie and I are good. _Too _good, if you know what I mean." He wiggled his eyebrows at his partner, but it did nothing to deter him.

"I know you, Javi. What is it?" Javier sighed and looked down at the table. They sat in silence while he debated whether or not to tell him. He wasn't a very public person, and he'd always thought that Ryan would respect that. Lanie had. There was too much...too much than even he knew what to do with. But sometimes he thought that his partner knew him better than he knew himself. He knew why he was worried, but somehow he felt that vocalizing the thought would put it into motion.

"Javi," Ryan pressed.

"I don't wanna mess this up," he blurted out, surprising even himself with the sudden outburst. Kevin sat patiently and waited for him to explain. Javier took a breath, blew it out, and then took another.

"I heard from my dad the other day. He wanted to come see Anamaria." Ryan looked shocked.

"You told him no, didn't you?"

"Hell yeah, I did! But Lanie doesn't get it." He met his partner's eyes.

"You never told her." He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes.

"How could I?" He couldn't just go up to his wife and say, 'hey babe, my dad can't come see our baby because he's a drunk who beat me.' There was no way to just come out and say something like that. It took time, it took trust...it took strength. And strength was what he didn't have. He was physically strong, sure, but that wasn't what he needed. He needed the strength to get over the past, the strength to cut his dad out of his life for good..the strength to not become his father. But as he watched over his daughter every moment of every day, that was his strongest fear. Becoming like his father. The bruises and the scrapes had disappeared over time, faded and become part of his skin. But the memories...He shook. The memories would be with him forever. Kevin put a hand on Javier's shoulder and sat beside him.

"That was him. You're not gonna be him, bro. You're gonna do everything you can for that baby girl in there. You love her." He knew that Ryan was right as they embraced. He could do this.


	7. G For Guilt

_A/N: I should be studying right now...But here's g for guilt. It was a stupid drunken mistake, and now Ryan has to live with the consequences. This is OOC for Ryan, so be warned. r&r and have a great night! Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)_

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><p><em>guiltgilt/_

_Noun: The fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime_

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><p>Ryan tapped his nervous fingers against his thigh as he watched Javier get ready. Ever since it had happened, he hadn't quite been able to meet his partner's eyes. But Esposito had been too busy to notice, anyway.<p>

"I look okay, right?" Javier asked tentatively, tugging on his suit jacket for the hundredth time. Kevin walked over and pulled it back into place.

"Now you do. Stop moving, it looks fine the way it is." He wanted to be excited, but it was so hard. He wished they'd never done it. He wished that he'd just walked away when they met, or better yet, stayed at home. He wished that he hadn't gotten drunk and ruined everything. But he had, and now he had to live with it. Ryan checked his watch.

"You have to get out there, it's gonna start soon." Javier adjusted his jacket one more time and grinned at his partner in the mirror, and it made Kevin feel sick to his stomach. All that he could think about was that night. Kissing her..holding her...What had ever possessed him to do something so stupid? He couldn't breathe as Esposito turned to him and gave him a hug.

"Thanks for everything, bro!" Grinning like a child, he practically skipped out of the room.

"Hey Espo?" he called out suddenly, not aware that he had done it until his partner turned around. He took a shaky breath. All that he had to do was say it. Just open his mouth, and-

"Good luck, bro," he said instead, knowing he was a coward. Ryan stood in the doorway and watched his partner take his place at the altar. Though he knew that it was for the best, he smiled sadly and bit his lip to keep silent. He couldn't pretend. He couldn't stand there beside Javier and lie. His new life would be better off without him. After all, what kind of friend sleeps with the bride a week before the wedding? He closed his eyes. And then he went towards the door.


	8. H For Home

_A/N: Sorry I've been slacking, but I promised to get through all 26. Needless to say, I have quite the job ahead of me. That being said, this is just one big 'what if?' piece. What if Javi went back to war? How would he be welcomed home? r&r and thanks for reading. Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)_

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><p><em>homehōm_

_Noun: The place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household._

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><p>Javier embraced the peaceful silence of the cab as it left the airport. It was such a simple thing, silence. He hadn't quite realized how loud it was until now, a year later. An entire year. He frowned as he imagined what must have happened while he was overseas. Everyone had written and sent pictures, of course, but reading letters and looking at photographs wasn't the same as <em>being<em> there. Ryan's daughter had to be around two by now, if not older. He'd heard by way of Lanie that Beckett and Castle had finally gotten together, and Alexis was in college.

Lanie. Esposito smiled to himself sadly and gazed out of the window. Even though she'd written faithfully, she'd moved on. She hadn't been married yet, but he could tell through her letters that it wouldn't be long now. He missed that: being able to know what she was thinking. He missed her.

It would be harder for Javier to readjust this time. He'd done it before, but now..Now was different. He had people waiting for him. He'd clung to that thought when he was in his darkest places. He'd held it there, right next to his heart. Right next to their letters. The idea that there was someone who cared whether he lived or died...That had kept him alive. He brushed away silent, unwelcome tears and ran his fingers over an old letter. They had saved his life. They didn't know it, but they had.

As the cab slowed to a stop, Javier took in his surroundings with brand new eyes. It had been so long since he had been home. He searched for his front door, and that's when he saw them. The people. Not just the ones he knew, but ones he didn't and probably never would. At first, he thought something had happened. And then he realized...They were there for him. As Ryan stepped out of the fray and embraced Esposito, he finally relaxed.

He was home.


	9. I For Illness

_A/N: Hmm. Not sur__e how well this played out, but give it a read anyway.(Sorry for lack of posts, but I was in DC!) I stands for illness...but I never said that I would kill anyone. r&r and enjoy the long weekend (if you have it.) Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)_

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><p><em>ill·nessˈilnis/_

_Noun: A disease or period of sickness affecting the body or mind._

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><p>Kevin Ryan should have known that today was going to be The Day when he woke up and realized that he was out of medication. He should have realized it when he barely made it out of bed before the sickness began. He should have known when he was too ill to get to the phone and call out of work. But he had pushed those thoughts aside while he focused on staying conscious. It obviously hadn't worked, however, because he awoke to the shrill ringing of his cell phone. Ryan pawed at his tired eyes and stared in the direction of the call. He hung his head. Normally, it would have taken two seconds for him to grab the ringing phone. Now, just looking at the distance between them made him want to cry. The disease was eating away at him. How long would it be until he could no longer stand, no longer speak? How long?<p>

As soon as the cell stopped ringing, the land line began. Ryan covered his ears and rested his head against the blissfully cool bath tub. He sat up, just a little, as the answering machine kicked in.

"Hey bro, I called your cell. I covered for you with Gates, but I'm worried. As soon as I can, I'm gonna check up on you. Later." Kevin chewed his lip as his headache returned. He hated himself for not telling his partner. Really, he was sure that Javier would understand. But that wasn't the part that he was worried about. He was worried about the after. How Esposito would treat him. He would never be looked at the same again. As his heart tripled its' beat, he gasped for air and closed his eyes. He was tired of this. Tired of depending on medication, tired of suffering, of wishing that it would all be over. He was just tired.

Kevin cried, knowing that he was making the pounding in his head worse. With great difficulty, he pulled himself up and blindly reached into his cabinet. He quieted as his hand closed around the razor. His body trembled, and he fell to the ground, weak. Pathetic. All that he had to do was-

But he couldn't. As badly as he wanted to, he couldn't. The disease was terminal, but he still had time. Not a lot of it, but enough. Esposito opened the door, and Kevin called out to him. He had something to say.


	10. J For Jealousy

_**A/N: Who's excited for next week's episode? Fairy tale killer? Yes please! But down to business: J stands for jealousy, and they can't quite figure out how they ended up here. (This is set early on in their partnership, and I'm transplanting Kevin's engagement here.) (r&r and keep up with that homework. Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)**_

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><p><em>jeal·ous·yˈjeləsē/_

_Noun: The state or feeling of being jealous._

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><p>Jealousy. It wasn't an emotion that Esposito was familiar with, and he didn't enjoy experiencing it, either. He dropped his eyes to his paper work and tried to ignore his partner's voice. But he couldn't.<p>

"...engaged, and she's already planning the wedding-" Javier threw his pen down on the ground and stormed out of the bullpen, knowing that he was making a scene. He sat himself down on the steps of the twelfth and glared at the passing taxi cabs. He wasn't angry at Ryan, he was just mad at himself for feeling this way.

"Hey," Kevin said softly, dropping himself down beside Esposito. They didn't speak for a few moments. Then:

"Did I say something wrong? Because I..." Ryan trailed awkwardly, clearly not knowing what to say. He wasn't quite sure how Javier handled things. They hadn't been partners long, and they didn't know how the other worked.

"No," Javier said shortly, blowing out an annoyed breath. He wasn't about to start spilling his guts out to the partner he hardly knew. It was stupid, really, his jealousy. He barely even knew the man, and already, he wanted what he had. Not the fiancee, not the wedding plans, not the good life..but the confidence. The way he carried himself, how nothing ever seemed to get him down. _That_ was what he wanted. And no matter how much therapy he went through, how much he tried...he found confidence impossible. It just wasn't in him anymore.

"Are you sure?" Esposito turned and met his partner's eyes. Ryan had thrown him the rope; all that he had to do was take hold. He hesitated, considered opening up...and then shut down.

"I'm sure." Kevin hung around a moment longer before he shoved up, leaving Javier with his thoughts, whatever they might have been.


	11. K For Kidnap

_A/N: Okay, so I didn't think kidnap (or kidnapping, for that matter) qualified as a noun, but apparently it does, according to Google. K is for kidnap, and they don't know what to do. (I know that I already kidnapped her, but what can I say? She's quite...kidnappable? Let's invent words.) r&r and stay awesome. Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)_

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><p><em>kid·napˈkidˌnap/ _

_Noun: The action of kidnapping someone._

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><p>Ryan drove to his partner's house in a haze. His mind was so far gone that it was a miracle he hadn't crashed on the way over. All that he could think about was the ransom note. He turned the words over and over in his head, determined to make some sense of them by himself.<p>

_'There is no ransom. Enjoy your new life, detective.'_

"There is no ransom," he muttered, "Enjoy your new life, detective." He slammed his fists onto the steering wheel in rage. What the hell did that _mean_? He knew that Jenny had been kidnapped...but _why_? He hadn't said anything, done anything...and she certainly couldn't have brought in on herself. She didn't deserve this. No one did. Kevin shook with emotion as he finally focused enough to park in front of Esposito's house. He hadn't called, but his partner's car was in the driveway. Still repeating the phrase to himself, he knocked on the door, too caught up to realize what was happening. Javier came to meet him, his smile dropping when he registered the look on his face.

"What-" But Ryan handed him the note and took a step back, still lost in his own mind. He knew what it meant, and if anything...if anything, he knew that Esposito would, too. He needed someone else to say it; he couldn't trust himself. Javier looked up from the paper, clearly shaken. "When did you get this?" Feeling that he was being spoken to, Kevin lifted his head.

"They just left it on the floor. I walked in, and she was...gone," he forced out, the reality of the matter rocking him full blast. The tears came before he could stop them, and he allowed himself to be cradled into his partner's arms.

"Javi, is she gone for good? Did they take her away from me?" he asked brokenly. Ryan knew that she was, all that Javier had to do was say it, just simple say it, and-

"We're gonna fight for her, bro. And we're gonna kill the bastards who did this to you," Esposito promised, strong. Kevin wanted to believe it; really, he did. But he couldn't. Jenny was gone.


	12. L For Liar

_A/N: Hey everyone! I was originally going to do lockdown, but then I decided that I liked liar better. Beware, this is so AU. Javier and Kevin have been friends since birth. Ryan went on to become a lawyer, and Esposito became a cop. And one night, an accident tests their friendship. (Ryan's EVIL here, so beware.) r&r and I hope this rain stops. Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)_

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><p><em>li·arˈlīər/_

_Noun: A person who tells lies_

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><p>How had they ended up here? They were both good boys from good families. They'd both done a decent job in high school; Javier joining the army and then the police force, and Kevin going onto college and getting a steady job at a law firm. They'd been friends since the moment they were born. So how had they ended up here?<p>

The two only had a few moments before Esposito's partner discovered them. Javier fought every urge to comfort his friend and scanned the crime scene again. Kevin's wife, Esposito's friend, Jenny, lay in bed, peaceful...save for the blood spatter. It dotted her face, her neck, the pillow, and the headboard. With the gun in her dominant hand and at the correct angle...it was an open and shut suicide. Only it wasn't. Careful to not disturb anything, Javier stepped away from his friend and closed his eyes.

"Tell me what happened. Again." It didn't make any sense. He knew Jenny. She wouldn't just end it all like this, without warning. And Ryan...he'd been distant lately. He didn't want to think it; he tried to stop it. But he thought it anyway.

"Kevin, did you shoot Jenny?" he asked bluntly, cutting his friend off mid sentence. Ryan's face was like an open book. Esposito saw fear, just for a second, before the anger came.

"How the hell could you even ask me that? Why would I have killed her?" Javier felt it in the tone of his voice. He hadn't denied it. He felt sick; it was too much to think about. Jenny had been his friend.

"I can get you help, Kevin, just.." His voice got caught in his throat.

"You know me! Why would I have done this?" Kevin screamed, again carefully side stepping a confession. He was in tears. But Javier saw right through it. He didn't want to, but he did.

"Liar," Esposito accused quietly. Without another word, he turned to go before Ryan could throw him out. He bowed his head, blinded by tears. He had lost two friends at that crime scene.


	13. M For Memory

_A/N: Sorry I'm so slow with posts, it's just that I have two papers to write that I've been ignoring forever. So much to do, so the note's short. M stands for memory. He'd always been Javier Esposito...until the day he wasn't. (Not proud of this, but the next one is going to be fun. For me anyway. Depressing for you. )R&R and do your homework! Yours till the wheels fall off ;)_

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><p><em>mem·o·ryˈmem(ə)rē/_

_Noun: A person's power to remember things_

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><p>He woke up and slowly became aware of his surroundings. Blinking lethargically, he reached to pull out the IV and go...where? Surely he had somewhere to go, something to do, someone to see...But he couldn't recall. As a matter of fact, he couldn't remember how he'd ended up here at all. Panic seized his heart as he struggled to remember something, anything. He came up blank. Parents, address...name. What was his name?<p>

"Jesus Christ," he murmured, in shock, "What the hell is my name?" He looked down at his hands, hands that seemed foreign to him. Why couldn't he recall anything about who he was? A sudden thought prompted him to press the call button beside his bed. Breathing shallowly, he did, fearing what would happen. There was something wrong with him, wasn't there, if he couldn't remember who he was? A million things ran through his mind. Car accident, robbery, a bad fall...What if he could never remember? That happened, didn't it? What if he was doomed to live the rest of his life without knowing who he was?

"You're awake," the doctor comment casually, striding into his room. He looked up, hating this feeling of hopelessness.

"Do you," he said finally, after many false starts, "Who am I?" The doctor frowned and put on his glasses as he sat beside him.

"You don't remember?" He shook his head.

"Can you remember anything at all? Even the smallest detail." He bit his lip and racked his brain for anything that would tell him who he was. But he couldn't think of anything, and he told the doctor so. The doctor frowned again and scribbled something down on his clipboard. He was near tears. What was wrong? He felt lost, trapped almost, in this body.

"Your name is Javier Esposito. You're a homicide detective at the 12th precinct in New York City. That's where we are now. Does any of this make sense?" He wanted it to, but it just didn't fit. None of it did. Javier Esposito...a homicide detective? Was he really a cop? He looked down at his hands again. Had these hands held a gun?

"I...no..." he whispered, ashamed. The doctor stood.

"That's okay, it's still early. Get some rest, I'll check up on you again soon. Some things should start coming back then." The doctor left, and Javier watched him go. Javier. He shuddered. There was absolutely no memory attached to that name. It was like he was an empty shell. He had just closed his eyes again when someone else spoke.

"Javier, are you okay?" He blinked again, starting suddenly when he saw that the stranger was seated next to him. He stared at him, willing some memory to come back. Nothing.

"I'm sorry, who..." he trailed, "Who are you?" The other man's smile dropped, and hurt burned in his eyes.

"Who am-Javier, it's Kevin!"

"Kevin...?"

"Kevin Ryan. Bro, I'm your partner. You really don't remember?" Javier dropped his dark eyes away from the other man's vibrant ones in shame. He tried to remember something about him, but it was like staring at a blank canvas or an empty page. This man was desperate for Javier to remember who he was, but he simply couldn't.

"I'm really sorry, but I don't remember you. The doctor said I might not remember anything for a little. Do you know what happened though?" Esposito asked. 'Ryan' ducked his head and looked away. He didn't speak for a moment, and when he did, his voice was uneven.

"Yeah. We, uh, we were chasing a perp down the street, and a car came flying out of an alley and uh...you...you got hit. I thought I was gonna lose you," Kevin admitted. Javier's heart broke for this man. He seemed so nice, so loving...he wished that he could remember something, just for him.

"'Till the wheels fall off!" Ryan burst out suddenly.

"What?"

"You have to remember that," he said, excited, "'Till the wheels fall off."

"'Till the wheels fall off," Javier murmured. Dully, something clicked.


	14. N For Nightmare

_A/N: Sorry this took so long! I just signed myself up for a Sherlock bigbang, and I think I'm doing Script Frenzy this April. Obviously, I'm trying to kill myself this spring. Castle needs a bigbang. I'd totally do that. But business: N is for nightmare, and Ryan is doing all he can. r&r and why is there no Castle tonight? Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)_

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><p><em>night·mareˈnītˌme(ə)r/_

_Noun: A frightening or unpleasant dream_

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><p>Kevin heard the screaming in his sleep. When he opened his eyes and it continued, he bolted out of bed and sprinted to Marco's room. Sure enough, the six year old was sitting bolt upright in his bed, blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon. Clicking on the light, Ryan dropped onto the bed and embraced him.<p>

"Marco, it's okay. Calm down," he murmured, stroking the boy's spilled ink curls, "It was just a nightmare." Marco pawed at his eyes and trembled, curling himself into Kevin's chest.

"Was scary," Marco sobbed. Ryan rubbed his back.

"I know, buddy, but it's okay now." Soon enough, his cries quieted.

"Uncle Ryan?"

"Yeah?" The little boy waited a few moments before he spoke again.

"Where's daddy?" The innocence in Marco's voice broke Ryan's heart. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.

"Your daddy...he's with the angels." Marco picked up his teddy bear and hugged it.

"That's what mami said. She went on a trip. When is mami coming back?" Kevin knew that Marco didn't really understand that his father wasn't coming back. Lanie had flown out to make preparations with Javier's family.

"Soon, I think. Do you want to see a picture of your daddy?" He fished the photograph out of his wallet, dimly noting that he'd fallen asleep in his clothes. Marco took it and smiled.

"Daddy's a soldier." Kevin looked away as the pain washed over him. Tears burned at his eyes. Javier had been killed in action after returning to the army, and Ryan would never see him again. A sob escaped him, and he kissed Marco's head.

"Yep. Your daddy was a hero," he took a shuddering breath and added in a whisper, "And he was my best friend."


	15. O For Ocean

_**A/N: Look at me, two posts in two days! Don't get comfortable though, once I finish my paper I'm on to Script Frenzy and bigbang outlining. And, of course, this. I don't like this as much as yesterday's, but give it a read anyway. O is for Ocean, and it's a place for him to get away. r&r and enjoy this freakishly warm weather. Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)**_

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><p><em>o·ceanˈōSHən/_

_Noun:A very large expanse of sea, in particular, each of the main areas into which the sea is divided geographically_

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><p>Esposito pulled his knees up to his chest and mournfully watched the waves caress the shore. It would be dark soon, and he'd have to find his way back. It was something he'd done many times as a child; he was somewhat pleased to find that the memory hadn't completely left him. Javier breathed in the sea air and blinked against the sudden onslaught of tears. He'd always been the strong one, the man of the house after his father's death.<p>

_Don't ever let them see you cry. _And he hadn't. Not then, not when his sister had run away from home, not when they hadn't had enough money to pay the bills, not when his nephew had been gunned down without reason..and not at his mother's funeral. But now..well, he was alone, and he didn't care who saw. He owed that woman everything...and now she was gone. Esposito felt a hand on his shoulder, a hand he recognized without a thought. His partner came to sit beside him, and together, they watched the ocean turn.


	16. P For Prison

_A/N: We're going three for three here! What is this? But don't worry, it won't last long. I'm currently Sherlock beta hunting. P is for Prison, and this one is for Taylor. (It's my second go at jail earlier on in the series.) r&r and I need new episodes of Castle. Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;__)_

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><p><em>pris·onˈprizən/_

_Noun: A building to which people are legally committed as a punishment for crimes they have committed or while awaiting trial._

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><p>The only thing that Esposito could think was, <em>this isn't happening. <em>Because it couldn't have been. Things like this..they just didn't happen. At least not to him, not to his partner. The gates buzzed, and Javier nearly jumped out of his skin. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Ever since Jenny had been killed, it was almost as it he was compensating for Ryan's lack of emotion. Mentally, he steeled himself. Kevin came through moments later, head down, shoulders slumped. His hands were still cuffed. Leading the way to the mediation room, the prison guard opened the door and let them in.

"There's no bail,"Javier murmured finally. Kevin didn't meet his eyes.

"The judge thinks I'm a flight risk," he admitted. Esposito glanced down at his folded hands and sighed.

"Bro..." But he couldn't find the words. Nothing seemed to do his feelings justice. They'd all been there for Ryan in court. They'd tried everything they could, even testified in his favor, but the case was still going to go to court. A soon to be ex-cop gunning down his wife's killer? The story was just too good to pass up.

"Kevin, did you do it?" Javier breathed, voice barely above a whisper, "Did you kill him?" Kevin's face was set. Grim.

"He killed Jenny. I...I did what I had to do."


	17. Q For Question

_**A/N: Okay, so I know I'm behind by a couple of weeks. I'll try to have R up right after this, but I'm all busy again. (Bigbang, script frenzy, and huge Lit project.) Q is for question, and Javier is being stubborn. (Set early on in the partnership.) Not my proudest piece, but if R proves to be a good word, then that one will be a little better. r&r and Castle on Monday! Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)**_

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><p><em>ques·tionˈkwesCHən/_

_Noun: A sentence worded or expressed so as to elicit information_

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><p>"Are you okay?" The question had been burning on Kevin Ryan's lips all afternoon. He'd been meaning to ask his partner earlier, but he hadn't had the time nor the words. But now, after he'd voiced it, he knew what the answer would be. Esposito lifted his tired eyes from his desk for just a moment.<p>

"I'm fine." But he wasn't. Everything about him, his eyes, his posture, his _expression_...everything screamed out that he was not, in fact, 'okay'. But there was no way to go about persisting without setting the man off. They'd only been partners for two months; they didn't know each other well enough. But the problem, whatever it was, that was bothering his partner..well, it was beginning to bother Kevin, too. Rather than walking away, Ryan leaned against Javier's desk. Esposito flicked his glance up and then returned to his paperwork.

"What?"

"I...is something wrong?" It sounded absolutely ridiculous, but it was the first thing that he was able to think of.

"I said no," Javier deadpanned, still working. Kevin reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder on an impulse.

"I know you're upset, and I know the last thing you probably want to do is talk to a stranger, but..." Ryan stopped, searching himself, "But I don't judge. So if you wanted to talk.." Javier stopped writing. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then he closed it and picked up his pen. Kevin turned to go, but his partner stopped him.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"...Thanks."


	18. R For Relationship

_**A/N: Ugh, Q and R are pretty terrible, as you've probably read. I don't know what's up lately. I'm not sure about S, but T is going to be pretty amazing. (Even though it's an adjective, not an object. Oh well.) Business: R stands for relationship, and Kevin doesn't know if his is over or not. r&r and I'm almost done with these! Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)**_

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><p><em>re·la·tion·shipriˈlāSHənˌSHip/_

_Noun: The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected._

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><p>Javier Esposito jabbed his key into the lock in irritation. He hated the days he spent at the precinct without his partner. They were listless, dull, and seemed to drag on forever. He shouldered the door open and stalked in, flipping on all of the lights. He passed the living room without a second glance, and then suddenly doubled back.<p>

"Ry?" His partner looked mournfully up at him for just a second.

"Hey," he replied quietly, pulling his legs up and under him. Esposito turned on the light as he slowly walked in, wondering how in the hell he had managed to get in. Not that he wasn't happy to see Kevin, but it was a little unnerving. Javier sat down across from him and leaned forward in concern. Something had happened; he tried to stop the possibilities from running through his mind, but he couldn't. Any number of things could have happened. Cancer, Jenny, his daughter, anything...

"What's going on?" he prodded gently, ready to wait for as long as it took. To his surprise, his partner started speaking immediately. Kevin looked away as he spoke.

"It's...it's Jenny. She wants..." But he couldn't seem to get the last word out. Knowing, Esposito whispered it for him.

"Divorce." Ryan nodded slowly, and then he became undone. Javier hated seeing his partner like this, hated seeing him hurt. He sat beside him and enveloped him in the tightest hug that he could bear to give.

"'What changed?" he murmured. Kevin fisted away his own tears and attempted to calm himself so that he could speak. It took several stops and starts before the words came again.

"It's me. I, uh...I started drinking again." Javier closed his eyes and leaned back. That had always been a possibility. Always. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had known that Ryan would relapse. It wasn't entirely his fault; it was genetic. But he had been stronger than it. He had beaten it...or so they had thought.

"You didn't-" Esposito began. Ryan sighed and pushed off of the couch, hugging himself like he was holding himself together.

"God no. I'd never hurt her. I couldn't-I missed Riley's graduation." Javier cocked his head to the side.

"I was there. Everyone was there. I saw you-"

"I came in late. She'd already gotten her diploma, and I'd missed it. Jenny knew. She deserves the divorce, I guess," Kevin said in a whimper, "I mean, she doesn't deserve to be married to a drunk, does she?" Esposito stood and took his partner by the shoulders.

"Listen to me," he started, shaking him when Ryan didn't make eye contact, "Listen. We can fix this, okay? You did it before, and we can do it again. There's probably a meeting right now, all we have to do is go-" Kevin pushed him away and threw himself back onto the couch.

"You don't get it. It's not just the graduation. It's everything. I can't control it. Jenny's gone. She took Riley, and she's gone. She's not coming back." And in that moment, Kevin Ryan looked so lost, so afraid...And it hurt Javier to know that there was nothing he could do.


	19. S For Sandcastle

_**A/N: It's probably being in Ocean City that's prompting me to do this. I'm stuck between two words for T, so I might just have to do both of them. But business: this might be their last trip to be beach. r&r and enjoy spring break! Yours 'till the wheels fall off ;)**_

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><p><em>Sand cas·tle (sandˈkasəl)<em>

_Noun: A sand castle is a type of sand sculpture resembling a miniature building, often a castle._

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><p>"Come here, papi," Javier murmured, gently thumbing away the sand his son had somehow gotten stuck to one side of his face. Marco protested softly. Esposito's heart clenched, and he stopped for a moment. Marco had just been beginning to become sure of himself. He could stand on his own, walk, and he constantly insisted on feeding himself. Or he had, anyway.<p>

"Shh," he soothed, handing his son to Kevin. Ryan cradled Marco and kissed his cheek.

"How's my man?" Kevin whispered, grinning. Javier's son smiled. It broke Esposito's heart. Honestly, it did. Lanie appeared beside them and reached out for Marco.

"Come on, baby. Do you want to go build a sandcastle?"

"Yeah!" She scooped him up and carried him toward the ocean. Javier dropped his gaze to the sand. Neither man said anything for a moment.

"How long did they say?" Kevin asked haltingly, squinting against the sun. Esposito didn't trust himself to speak, so he didn't. He watched his wife kneel down beside his son and hand him a plastic shovel. Marco studied the shovel for a few seconds before he threw it all of six inches and clapped.

"Six-" his voice broke, and he tried again, "Six months. At the most." He chewed his lip and closed his eyes, wishing that he'd lose the ability to feel. It would certainly make things easier. Kevin opened and closed his mouth until he found words.

"It's not for sure," he offered, "They could be wrong. There's been cases-"

"Kevin-"

"There's still a chance that he can beat it. I heard-"

"Bro-"

"I mean, maybe-"

"Ryan, no," Esposito said quietly, "I understand what you're doing, but don't. Please." Defeated, Ryan said nothing, and they lapsed into a pained quiet. They watched Lanie help Marco dig a hole in the sand.

"Does he know?" Kevin asked. Javier shook his head.

"We can't. How-" he paused, "How do you tell a six year old that he's dying? We can't," he repeated, knotting and unknotting his hands. Marco had leukemia. It was only a matter of time. _Six months, _he thought bitterly. It was unfair; Marco didn't deserve to die. Not yet, not now. He hadn't lived yet, not really. Javier had _begged_ God to just please, give him more time, or please, let me take his place. But God had turned his back on him, and his son continued to die. It was impossible to think of life without the little boy. It was cruel. A single sob escaped, and that was the thing that undid him. His partner threw a tight arm around his broad shoulders and held him.


End file.
